The Aftertaste. March '06

I'm holding on steadfast
To an idol that will never last
Unexpected years I never meant to give
What didn't belong to me
I'm still falling
The blur of my flesh is all that I can see
Is this what was expected
Was lust my bait to fall
Did I fail in the attempt to prove
To keep what I never had at all
So easy to say
Such a graceful plan
When the trumpet sounds one day
Where do I stand
A woman trying to be worldly
A yound lady proud of her burden
Who am I becoming
That I continue to see my Father hurting
Thirsting
Outstretched for the rain
Fall on top of this heart
I mean that I want nothing
On my knees I cry for the lost
My heart so dry and empty i feel sick
Dizzy, meek and unworthy
I want more for my vein
I'm crying so hard I can not catch my breath
I know.......
one more prayer
Break me
Shatter my walls, tear my flesh
Till I'm nothing at all
Take my addiction to inappropriate affection for this world
I've found my girl
In brokenness and bleeding
I reach for faithfullness

Czech Republican. March '04

Wet paint on top of this heart,
Cold tears left out for sick,
An infinite Depth for layers,
No key for this locked diary,
Searching for table scraps,
You made me your bitch,
Search for what you already found,
You are an idiot,
Long for the lost,
Give away your gift,
I will write the words to your songs,
Even though there are none to my melodies,
I can not untie the riddled tongue,
March on suffocating in your heracies,
Drain the poris hearts of new beginnings,
Old pain will rust a titanium strength,
Finish me,
I am broken.

Equality. March '05

It's not fair that I give all that I can,
That I have no more to give,
I reach out to receive no hand,
Out of reason to live,
I am not who I have invisioned myself to be,
Not proud of who I am,
Hate was a cancer to my hearts plea,
Wash me in the blood of the Lamb,
One lie to protect me from myslef,
Has lead to many with no way out,
Stress is decaying my stability,
Healthy love has become a doubt,

And how can I love,
How can I without meeting it exposed?
How can I trust when I only know letting down,
I am screaming out loud and nobody knows.
Listen,
You can not hear a sound,

A veteran to the laws of physics,
I still cling to what I believe could turn out to be good,
But if I watch nature's arithmetic,
I would know being drawn to sin is what they should,

I take advantage of the dawn each day,
I take advantage of each hug given,
If I close my eyes and listen to what mt desire would say...
Perhas ambition could be driven,

I have never had a more confusinf relationship than with God,
Because I began to listen with my "head".
With my faith I should have fought,
And used my Heart instead,

It's not fair I gave all I could,
It's not fair for you I have no more,
My fleeting thoughts have changed so much,
My happiness a whore.

Stripping Away Forgivness. March '05

Numb can't you feel,
Spite where did you go,
Her heart grew colder,
Does apathy make you bold?
Look what you did,
You left her crying,
Full of hopes,
Inside Dying,
Don't you know...
What you do?
When your actions don't show,
Now all she has are memories of you,
You took away her dreams,
Raped her of her love,
It seems to me,
That you will never have enough,
Why would you lie,
Feed her false hugs,
No breath left to sigh,
You were her drug,
She could have had better,
Someone to fill her with worth,
Now she will never know shelter,
Because you filled her with hurt.

A blank page for a later date. Sept '07

What is this struggle,
A self hatred and desire for change..
When I self embrace,
I am not so estranged,
A lost of faith in others and desire to comply,
Dress in falshoods and prevent a tongue to lie.
My heart,
It stills beats, yet, it pumps defeated,
A life of honey and I feed upon salt,
So thirsty.
Do I really believe I can run a marathon parched?
Muscles pumping dust,
Brittle bones,
Leather skin,
Mouth cornered with rust,
Licking lust off the floor,
A timid toe to walk among wolves,
A fear to ruin,
Caged Passion,
I can feel a scream rise to my throat,
Rather than truth,
I chose to gloat,
..........................................................................
Dote on you,
Allow you to prune in a puddle of indulgance,
I will try not to choke on the sea I spew,
God:
This word you gave me,
Can I sing?
A mockingbird or a Raven,
Hunting Season,
But I will not fear,
Give me wings and ears to hear.

My God of Ambiguity. March '05

It is in the skies that I feel small,
Unimportant and full of purpose,
Looking at the unintelligent medley of pride,
It is then I am wiped over and tried,
of the proven and not evident,
The clouds breathe sighs of gratification,
The sun breaking through,
The harmony of brass light,
Angry clouds now,
Whispering content,
Fluff and flat palet pulling together animosity,
Listless life and structure,
The lesson learned of good always triumphs,
A life trusting its hero when in danger,
Clinging to their chest,
War.
Pain.
Anger.
Shame.
Aloof.
In this storm there is proof.

Behind the Veil. -October '05

If you want to know the secrecy behind my grey eyes,
You must be still and patient,
Entertainment waste you must see through,
For I am a woman wo weaves her words in waiting,
Wisdom and cander,
Beneath a Buttery Coat to please the senses,
I am an acquired craving and a nicotine patch,
It is easy to get close,
But do not become attached,
Cholstophobic when confined,
Impulsive and Refined,
Culturd while raised in a conservative town,
Same weather all year round,
Its easy to have knowledge and still become confused,
Easier for kindness to become abused,
Sometimes the discreet overwhelming kindness is cloaked with cold,
Not always blessed with the ability to be bold,
But I will bleed my heart to feed you vein,
Take a loss for your gain.